The Gate Way

I decided to make a blog as its a way i can just write all my feelings down and i can read back though it every now and then to look back at my past and what not. Ive wanted to write a blog for a while now but i just couldn't be bothered but after reading though some of my friends blogs its inspired me to write my own. Since this is my blog ill write what i want so if you don't like something I've wrote then just say something or maybe you can just shut up about it and not flame or QQ. This is my first ever blog so I'm just going to give a run though about myself and what not.

About me?
I'm turning 15 this year and i don't like the sounds of that, each day that goes past i feel like I'm getting older and I'm slowly getting closer to being old and that is one of my fears. Yes its a stupid fear but have you ever seen how old people move and talk and look like? All the problems they have? I really don't want that so I'm not looking forward to it, I'm rather scared of getting old and dieing. Well not so much dieing but im scared of being alone and not having anyone there, i just dont want to be old and i think we shall leave it at that, or maybe i should continue so you see my point? Or maybe you already get my point? Who knows but I'm just going to leave it at that.

As i was saying I'm 15 this year, i tend to hide behind the name Xendal and its slowly becoming a name im used of hearing from people so when people talk to me i expect them to call me Xendal but then they call me my Josh and it confuses me for a second or two. I have really really weird dreams i will post about them every now and then on this here blog and you will see what i mean. Im a nerd in my own way and I'm rather weird and random. I like to play video games but i don't do it all that often anymore as it tends to bore me as i know what to do i finish the game in a day or two, But you can never get sick of the Zelda games they are just the best, I like Docter Who its awesome. My favourite colour is amethyst, its a shade of purple and its also a gem, but someone very very special and important to me says i cant have that as my favourite colour so I'm going to have to say its dark purple or a light shade of purple, No I'm not gay =P. I'm a music addict, i love to listen to music, anything that has a beat but its not all yelling and screaming and just really loud then its find with me, I cant stand screamo. I love the singer Decision he is a rapper and i normally hate rap but his songs are just, well i dont know i cant explain them they are that good. I love the bands Secondhand Serenade, Hellogoodbye, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Mayday Parade, Unkle, Simple plan, Blink 182, Bands that are like them i rather enjoy listening to, I like love songs or something to do with depression or emotions if you get my drift, something about how people feel about another. I currently play drums and i have decided to learn guitar as a pass time when i don't feel like playing drums. I practice at school with two of my friends in the music rooms, We practice every lunch and we are slowly getting better. One day i wish to be a musician. Im kinda lazy but im not fat im rather skinny and people call me a stick but i dont choose to be like this i try to eat alot to put on weight but i only seem to lose it so i really dont know whats going on there. I tend to just sit around and listen to music or watch movies or what not or just sit on msn talking to my friends. I like the movie The Boat That Rocked, and also Titanic, i love comedy movies and i also love a bit of romance and sad movies. I only watch romantic/sad ones normally when im with Angel. Anime? Love it, i love Howls Moving Castle, Bleach, Elfen Lied, Death note etc. I like to read, what was that? you think only freaks read? well your mistaken there. Reading is something that many people enjoy and i love it, Skulduggery FTW!!!. I like milkshakes they are super yummy, my favourite food has to be jelly, Nothing is better then jelly in foods. I like to think im a kid still and i try to do kid things so i can still enjoy it while i can. I like YoYos because they go up and down and up and down and you can do tricks with them im not all that great at them but its still pretty god damn fun. I like to play with stuffed animals, i make them talk and walk around etc and its rather fun, i tend to pick up and play with any i find weather it be Torri's unicorns of Phoenix's butterfly pillow, i will play with them because i find it fun. I have a habbit of chewing on plastic or what ever i can find when im alone and bored, I like to chew on plastic the most as its fun to do so and i sometimes like to chew on scissors. I like shiny objects, anything that sparkles or shinys or glows i will fall in love with. You know the sound of water splashing as it hits the ground? Yeah that one, i love that sound, I love waterfalls!!!!! I love forests and the way they look and such oh god i can just picture it now, a waterfall surrounded by a forest with the sounds of birds and a running water fall and such, I love it how about you? I love animals, I really really like snow tigers or leopards they have to e my favourite animals. Birds are awesome because they can fly and be free, i like to just fad away and day dream a lot and i like to think im a bird and i can sore high and be free, I normally day dream alot i don't stop normally, something is always on my mind and i love to picture it and act it out in my mind. I over think things and i normally think negative leading towards bad things and if someone does or says something i normally take it negatively and i get depressed over it, or i just change the story completely so its depressing and such, i just cant stop it, its just something that happens everything i normally think of becomes negative and depressing in my head. My friends are okay, most annoy me and i don't care if they read this, But most of my friends annoy me because they push me around or punch me or something and it just pisses me off and makes me want to punch them but i don't do that because I'm normally a calm person and i tend to hide behind a fake smile to hide all the depression and bad thoughts im thinking. There is around 3? people i can be truly honest too with my feelings, 2 of them are girls, one is a guy I've known for quite a while. I like to draw and i draw really random things, I normally draw during classes at school because I'm bored or just cant be bothered

That seems like enough about me for now.

Wow.. i seem to love a lot don't i? Well guess what, i hate twice as much.

I hate people who think they're better then everyone else.
I hate flamers.
I hate jerks.
I hate people who constantly QQ about every single damn thing, QQ means cry or wine if you didn't know.
I hate not being good enough for people.
I hate the mistakes I've made in my past.
I hate what i did to her the other day or what not but I'm trying to make up for it and hopefully she will forgive me and trust me fully again.
I hate what i look like
I hate who i am basically
I hate that i take everything negatively.
I hate that i have very low self-esteem
I hate bully's if someone is being bullied i will step in and help that person. Bullying is just not on.
I hate the fact that there are positions in life, People with money live a good life and people with out normally don't and some even live on the streets. I cant stand how up them selves rich people are and it just pisses me off that they think they are better and they normally wont even spare any money for the poor, while people who are like me and are in between we give away money to those who need it and what not.


Oh there is a lot more i hate but i really cant be bothered to list anymore.


Anyways this is the end of my blog part thingy.

I am who i am but who is that exactly? I don't know maybe it will all come to me one day and ill wake up and live the life i was meant to lead.

Yours faithfully,
Xendal