It was my birthday yesterday. I normally hate my birthday and I have ever since I was a kid but I was looking forward to this years birthday as I had Phoenix and she is important to me and always makes me happy so seeing her made my birthday awesome and fun.
I had to work on my birthday, I was thinking it would be bad and horrible and I really didn't feel like working on my birthday, but turns out it was okay and kind of fun, I was on work with Dean and Darren, two of the coolest people at reading cinemas in my opinion. We had kebabs for lunch, they tasted good. Worked from 9 till 4.20, the whole day they gave me crap and said my girlfriend was imaginary but it was kind of funny. Finished worked got changed and some guy miss ordered and wanted a frozen coke but then didn't want it, so I got to drink it for free. :D
After work Phoenix arrived and we ordered tickets to see Back Up Plan and drinks and popcorn. I was so happy to see Phoenix and felt like it was the best birthday ever, which I guess it was. We watched the movie and occasionally id throw popcorn at her for fun. Anyways we watched the movie, had her in my arms and held her hand <3, and after watching it we brought a frozen coke to drink, then walked out and saw Minnie and Her mum ( Amy's sister and mother for those who don't know.. ) and I talked to them for a bit, called mum phoenix said she was cold put my jumper around her and heard and saw Minnie and her friend just point and said "aww isn't that cute, look there so cute together awww" which made my day even better, and made me feel glad and special that I got to have a girl like Phoenix and that people think we are cute together.
Mum picked us up we went home to drop Dylan off then went straight to the twins to pick them up then to bowling. We arrived Hayley was waiting for us and Julian, so we got in there paid and then went to do laser tag. It was fun but I really sucked :D . Then bowled which I suck at as well, I think I lost? I don't remember. After doing them we went arcading for a bit then got bored so brought chips ate them, then went for a walk. Phoenix and Hayley ditched us and went the other way, which made me feel kinda bad/sad/depressed because I just wanted to spend all night with her but she went the other way with Hayley. I said to myself "They will want to to go home as soon as we get to them" Which they did, which made me feel terrible because I just wanted to be with Phoenix but she wanted to go, but I guess that's selfish of me. They decided to stay, then everyone was bored or depressed or something so we all went back inside and arcaded for a bit more then all back out the front and played truth or dare for a bit which failed and we ended up walking for a bit and then called mum to take Phoenix and Hayley home and myself, really wish I didn't, I wanted to spend more time with her. Got to Phoenix's house walked her and haylz to the front door said goodbye, then went back to the car feeling sad because I had to leave and she wouldn't be with me anymore, Selfish yet again. Got home laid in bed for a bit, then came on msn and talked to Aden and Tom, discussed stuff with them and Aden showed me some pictures of some cool weapons and what not.
After that I went to bed and thought to myself that this is the only birthday I actually kind of enjoyed apart from having to leave Phoenix, really wish I didn't have too. This birthday I did stuff, all my other birthdays I sat in my room being yelled at by friends and family.
Thanks guys and girls for making my birthday good for once.
Am i too possessive/clingy? wanting to be with Phoenix all the time and wanting to hold her and what not? I want tell her how I feel and what I want but I cant do that because what if she doesn't want that and then everything falls apart? Id rather just make her happy and not care about my wants or anything. I'm just scared ill lose her if I do actually do something wrong or if she doesn't like or want it or what not. Just want to make her happy but I cant think of anyways to do so and as I said I'm scared of trying to do anything in case i lose her.
Yours Faithfully,
Xendal.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Jobs are horrible.
So I started a new job at reading cinemas if you didn't know, I'm happy that I got the job but its taking away time I could be spending with Phoenix so I wont see her that much anymore, and now she has a job interview for another job at food works so she will have two jobs meaning it will be rare that I see her.
So I'd kind of depressed that I wont see her much anymore, not to mention shes not allowed at my house or anything anymore because her parents said. I wish I never got a job but I do enjoy this one, just I hate the fact I will rarely see phoenix.
What can I do? Tell her not to get the new job because I wont see her? That's selfish. I cant just do or say that. So I'm sitting here typing this to just try to let emotions out about it. Kinda happy she has gotten another job in a way because she is making a start to her career and earning money so she can go to university, I'm glad she is trying to do something in her life, I'll support her with it but I'm still afraid it will stop me from seeing her more.
I think the job is better for her then me, I seem to just cause problems for her and the job will help her in the future. What am I going to do in the future for her? Nothing that I can think of, maybe just support her but how is that any help at all.
Shortest blog ever by,
Yours faithfully,
Xendal.
So I'd kind of depressed that I wont see her much anymore, not to mention shes not allowed at my house or anything anymore because her parents said. I wish I never got a job but I do enjoy this one, just I hate the fact I will rarely see phoenix.
What can I do? Tell her not to get the new job because I wont see her? That's selfish. I cant just do or say that. So I'm sitting here typing this to just try to let emotions out about it. Kinda happy she has gotten another job in a way because she is making a start to her career and earning money so she can go to university, I'm glad she is trying to do something in her life, I'll support her with it but I'm still afraid it will stop me from seeing her more.
I think the job is better for her then me, I seem to just cause problems for her and the job will help her in the future. What am I going to do in the future for her? Nothing that I can think of, maybe just support her but how is that any help at all.
Shortest blog ever by,
Yours faithfully,
Xendal.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
7 Months Phoenix ♥
Going to contribute this post to my girl once again to show her and you all about how I feel even further and to tell her and the readers about stuff i love about her etc.
To phoenix.
Okay first off.
Its been 7 month as of today. I'm rather proud of that and I hope she is too, I wanted to send her a text today, but once I typed it all and hit send, I realized I had no credit which disappointed me at the time.
My day has been rather good so far apart from getting this new haircut which is short but apparently according to people it doesnt look all that bad, Anyways its about her not me so lets get into it.
As I was saying, its been 7 months since we started dating, this relationship has had its ups and its downs, but as Tyler said on one of his blogs, whose relationship hasn't? There have been some rough times and I have screwed up majorly but she has forgiven me and we got back onto track, which I thank her for and even though she says its okay I still feel bad about it all. We argue every now and then but lately it has been going smooth and we have been getting in even more depth with each other, we are speaking about things we don't normally speak of and I enjoy the stuff we talk about. Then there are good times when we just hang together and go to the beach or pool or stay at hers or mine and watch movies. I remember this one day which I think would have to be one of the best. We went to the movies to see the new "Alice In Wonder Land" it was pretty good, we cuddled up while watching it. Then after it she came back to my house and we did what ever we wanted and after a while we went to the pool and it was just me and her, it was fun, swimming? if you can call what we did swimming, we kinda walked around, well i did she was just was holding onto me and let me do all the moving, lazy ;P. But yes it was fun and just an awesome day sorry for dragging on because you all have no idea but she does and yes this post is for her.
So Happy 7 months Phoenix, Love you forever and 3 days after <3
I had a dream last night, I awoke in the dream at phoenix house sleeping over her's. Rolled over kissed her on the cheek and said good morning to her and she grabbed me and hugged me, thats the start. We then arose out of bed and went to have breakfast which happened to be milo cereal with cream. So we ate our breakfast and we then decided to go for a walk, as usual we walked around the block but we saw this little dog run across the road, it looked funny ;P. So after the walk we got back to her house and got dressed as we were going shopping! We after we got dressed we went shopping, but before we went shopping we went to the beach and walked along it for some reason, then went shopping, while out shopping I seemed to have a fair bit of money and I brought her a ring which for some reason we put on a chain and she wore it around her neck. We then just went shopping and what not and kissed every now and then and hugged you know the usual. Then we went back to hers and played sing star, the only time i have ever beaten her was in this dream.. I felt good. After sing star we watched a movie then i went home not so long after it and went to bed. End of dream.
Yeah it was kinda pointless to say all that but yes it was on my mind. And I felt like it needed to be said.
There are a lot of memory's I really enjoy with phoenix i mean a lot, but that pool one I spoke of earlier was pretty awesome.
The other day I went over her house and we watched a movie like normal and also went for a walk, like normal. But we watched the movie in Carters room since her dvd player was broken D: . We spent a while looking for just one movie which we gave up on looking for as it was no where to be found. We watched Pirates of The Carrabain 3. After that we went into her room and I tried on her clothes, I look rather sexy in her formal uniform, well I think so. And I tried on a shirt of hers, I loved it, it was tight and looked sexy, I also tried on a dress. ;P We do have some pretty awesome days together :D Oh did i mention? she has a really smexy looking evil tree that she drew.
I wanted to write some more things I respect and love about her so I think I will.
Respect?
I respect that she has given me extra chances and thinks what it would be like to be the other person and if they would want another chance. Thanks for that.
I respect that that she can always try to manage time for me.
I respect that she is herself and doesn't try to be someone different.
Love?
I love that she helps guide and support me in life, with out her id be lost and unable to find my way. Id still regret life and wouldn't want to live anymore if it wasn't for you.
I love that she drives me crazy.
I love how she pulls me in and kisses me.
I love how she jokes around and does something funny and cute with out meaning to.
I love when we just lay there and cuddle with out saying a word.
I love going to the pool with her and just splashing and playing around in the water.
I love that she makes me fit in and have a place.
I love how when i go to say something but i look at her i just lose all my thoughts and can only think of one thing, you.
I love that I love her and always will and I will never forget, I wish I could just hold onto her forever.
Well i guess i thank you all for reading
Miss you terribly phoenix, Love you.
Yours faithfully,
Xendal.
To phoenix.
Okay first off.
Its been 7 month as of today. I'm rather proud of that and I hope she is too, I wanted to send her a text today, but once I typed it all and hit send, I realized I had no credit which disappointed me at the time.
My day has been rather good so far apart from getting this new haircut which is short but apparently according to people it doesnt look all that bad, Anyways its about her not me so lets get into it.
As I was saying, its been 7 months since we started dating, this relationship has had its ups and its downs, but as Tyler said on one of his blogs, whose relationship hasn't? There have been some rough times and I have screwed up majorly but she has forgiven me and we got back onto track, which I thank her for and even though she says its okay I still feel bad about it all. We argue every now and then but lately it has been going smooth and we have been getting in even more depth with each other, we are speaking about things we don't normally speak of and I enjoy the stuff we talk about. Then there are good times when we just hang together and go to the beach or pool or stay at hers or mine and watch movies. I remember this one day which I think would have to be one of the best. We went to the movies to see the new "Alice In Wonder Land" it was pretty good, we cuddled up while watching it. Then after it she came back to my house and we did what ever we wanted and after a while we went to the pool and it was just me and her, it was fun, swimming? if you can call what we did swimming, we kinda walked around, well i did she was just was holding onto me and let me do all the moving, lazy ;P. But yes it was fun and just an awesome day sorry for dragging on because you all have no idea but she does and yes this post is for her.
So Happy 7 months Phoenix, Love you forever and 3 days after <3
I had a dream last night, I awoke in the dream at phoenix house sleeping over her's. Rolled over kissed her on the cheek and said good morning to her and she grabbed me and hugged me, thats the start. We then arose out of bed and went to have breakfast which happened to be milo cereal with cream. So we ate our breakfast and we then decided to go for a walk, as usual we walked around the block but we saw this little dog run across the road, it looked funny ;P. So after the walk we got back to her house and got dressed as we were going shopping! We after we got dressed we went shopping, but before we went shopping we went to the beach and walked along it for some reason, then went shopping, while out shopping I seemed to have a fair bit of money and I brought her a ring which for some reason we put on a chain and she wore it around her neck. We then just went shopping and what not and kissed every now and then and hugged you know the usual. Then we went back to hers and played sing star, the only time i have ever beaten her was in this dream.. I felt good. After sing star we watched a movie then i went home not so long after it and went to bed. End of dream.
Yeah it was kinda pointless to say all that but yes it was on my mind. And I felt like it needed to be said.
There are a lot of memory's I really enjoy with phoenix i mean a lot, but that pool one I spoke of earlier was pretty awesome.
The other day I went over her house and we watched a movie like normal and also went for a walk, like normal. But we watched the movie in Carters room since her dvd player was broken D: . We spent a while looking for just one movie which we gave up on looking for as it was no where to be found. We watched Pirates of The Carrabain 3. After that we went into her room and I tried on her clothes, I look rather sexy in her formal uniform, well I think so. And I tried on a shirt of hers, I loved it, it was tight and looked sexy, I also tried on a dress. ;P We do have some pretty awesome days together :D Oh did i mention? she has a really smexy looking evil tree that she drew.
I wanted to write some more things I respect and love about her so I think I will.
Respect?
I respect that she has given me extra chances and thinks what it would be like to be the other person and if they would want another chance. Thanks for that.
I respect that that she can always try to manage time for me.
I respect that she is herself and doesn't try to be someone different.
Love?
I love that she helps guide and support me in life, with out her id be lost and unable to find my way. Id still regret life and wouldn't want to live anymore if it wasn't for you.
I love that she drives me crazy.
I love how she pulls me in and kisses me.
I love how she jokes around and does something funny and cute with out meaning to.
I love when we just lay there and cuddle with out saying a word.
I love going to the pool with her and just splashing and playing around in the water.
I love that she makes me fit in and have a place.
I love how when i go to say something but i look at her i just lose all my thoughts and can only think of one thing, you.
I love that I love her and always will and I will never forget, I wish I could just hold onto her forever.
Well i guess i thank you all for reading
Miss you terribly phoenix, Love you.
Yours faithfully,
Xendal.
Monday, May 17, 2010
My Dear Sweet Angel.
So there's this girl. I want to tell her I really like her, wait no, love her. Actually it's more that I'm IN love with her, completely in love by heart and mind. Nothing can stop this feeling I have for her. There is so much about her I just love!
Her name is Phoenix.♥
I first meet her at the pool with my best friends, first thought was "Wow this girl is pretty.." that was in year 8.. Ive only recently started to get to know her, wait? no that's not all that true, I started talking to her in year 8 ( i think ) on MSN every now and then and she used to tell me about her friends and how some of them annoyed her back then. Well that's how it started. But i was jealous of one of my best mates because i swear he liked her back then and so i tried not to go with them to the pool when they went because I just didn't want to be around holding feelings which she didn't share for me but I thought my mate liked her back then so i decided to back off and try not to see or go with them, I regret my decisions but now I think it has all worked out and is going rather well with her. She is fun to talk to and we seem to have a conversation going most of the time when we talk to each other even if the conversation going doesn't have much meaning or what not but it still keeps going most days and its just fun. One day I might write a blog about jealousy and how we all suffer from it at time but now isn't the time as I'm just trying to write events and things that I found important.
A few weeks before i actually started dating her, me and her and 2 friends went to the pool every now and then and we just hung out all friend like and all, then we went to the movies they might remember this night, i know i do, it was the night she first kissed me, it was after the movies on a Thursday we were walking around though sugar-land, her mum got there to pick her up and we kissed and i watched her walk away and saw her get into the car and drive off, what a beautiful night, what a beautiful girl. We saw Astro-boy that night, wasn't as good as the cartoons but was still pretty good. I remember holding her that night as well, my friend has photos of it. But yes that night was our first kiss and i enjoyed it. Few more times to the pool over a few weeks and went to my friends with her that day, That was the day i asked her out. October the 19th. Its nearly been 7 months we have broken up twice but it is running rather well again.
I find myself in class just constantly thinking of her and being unable to focus on my work as I just cant get her off my mind. Just getting lost in thought and finding myself thinking of her.
Lately I've been thinking of something to do with you, Ill be losing for you and wining for you, sending for you, all ways be living for you, I adore you, like to hold you, I listen and try not to bore you, I'll never ignore you cuz i cant live with out you, I need to be around you, I need you to be around me, I love you. And I love having someone like you to be around me. Having you in my surroundings, being able to hear you then ill always be able to breathe cheap and take leaps.
I respect her in a lot of ways. She has so much about her that i respect and love about her.
I respect how she tries to care and look after for me even if she is a bit bossy when she does so.
I respect the way that she listens to what I have to say and helps me with problems that are on my mind.
I respect that she likes who i am and doesn't pick on any of my downfalls and she trys to support me.
There are a few respects.. now how about some loves?
I love that she is unique in her own little ways.
I love that she is mature and isn't like a kid and can act her age and not like most girls who act immaturely and seem like kids.
I love the feeling of when she is around she warms my heart, just hearing her voice makes even my bad days good.
I love how I don't have to hide my feelings about things to her and I can be open to her.
I love that she can make me smile, normally my smiles are fake but i always smile truthfully for her.
I love her eyes i love her hair, i love her body its very sexy/beautiful/yum? But her eyes and her hair are the main features i like.
I love that she is in my life. Simple.
Ive been thinking of ways to show how much I love her and trying to find ways to show I care and to repay her. Here is one, I hope you angel it Angel, and I hope the rest of you enjoyed reading about what i love about her too.
Her name is Phoenix.♥
I first meet her at the pool with my best friends, first thought was "Wow this girl is pretty.." that was in year 8.. Ive only recently started to get to know her, wait? no that's not all that true, I started talking to her in year 8 ( i think ) on MSN every now and then and she used to tell me about her friends and how some of them annoyed her back then. Well that's how it started. But i was jealous of one of my best mates because i swear he liked her back then and so i tried not to go with them to the pool when they went because I just didn't want to be around holding feelings which she didn't share for me but I thought my mate liked her back then so i decided to back off and try not to see or go with them, I regret my decisions but now I think it has all worked out and is going rather well with her. She is fun to talk to and we seem to have a conversation going most of the time when we talk to each other even if the conversation going doesn't have much meaning or what not but it still keeps going most days and its just fun. One day I might write a blog about jealousy and how we all suffer from it at time but now isn't the time as I'm just trying to write events and things that I found important.
A few weeks before i actually started dating her, me and her and 2 friends went to the pool every now and then and we just hung out all friend like and all, then we went to the movies they might remember this night, i know i do, it was the night she first kissed me, it was after the movies on a Thursday we were walking around though sugar-land, her mum got there to pick her up and we kissed and i watched her walk away and saw her get into the car and drive off, what a beautiful night, what a beautiful girl. We saw Astro-boy that night, wasn't as good as the cartoons but was still pretty good. I remember holding her that night as well, my friend has photos of it. But yes that night was our first kiss and i enjoyed it. Few more times to the pool over a few weeks and went to my friends with her that day, That was the day i asked her out. October the 19th. Its nearly been 7 months we have broken up twice but it is running rather well again.
I find myself in class just constantly thinking of her and being unable to focus on my work as I just cant get her off my mind. Just getting lost in thought and finding myself thinking of her.
Lately I've been thinking of something to do with you, Ill be losing for you and wining for you, sending for you, all ways be living for you, I adore you, like to hold you, I listen and try not to bore you, I'll never ignore you cuz i cant live with out you, I need to be around you, I need you to be around me, I love you. And I love having someone like you to be around me. Having you in my surroundings, being able to hear you then ill always be able to breathe cheap and take leaps.
I respect her in a lot of ways. She has so much about her that i respect and love about her.
I respect how she tries to care and look after for me even if she is a bit bossy when she does so.
I respect the way that she listens to what I have to say and helps me with problems that are on my mind.
I respect that she likes who i am and doesn't pick on any of my downfalls and she trys to support me.
There are a few respects.. now how about some loves?
I love that she is unique in her own little ways.
I love that she is mature and isn't like a kid and can act her age and not like most girls who act immaturely and seem like kids.
I love the feeling of when she is around she warms my heart, just hearing her voice makes even my bad days good.
I love how I don't have to hide my feelings about things to her and I can be open to her.
I love that she can make me smile, normally my smiles are fake but i always smile truthfully for her.
I love her eyes i love her hair, i love her body its very sexy/beautiful/yum? But her eyes and her hair are the main features i like.
I love that she is in my life. Simple.
Ive been thinking of ways to show how much I love her and trying to find ways to show I care and to repay her. Here is one, I hope you angel it Angel, and I hope the rest of you enjoyed reading about what i love about her too.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Kissing A Magical Frog Wont Work.
Do you know when you have made a mistake and you cant undo it or go back because you have gone to far forward? Its quite a common feeling for me how about yourself?
So i decided to throw all this together and show you something that normally happens in life for girls and guys.
She kept saying no regrets in her blog trying to hide that she actually had regrets all about it and she tried to stick to her life goal. I wanted to tell her she is stupid for holding in all her emotions and just to let them all out and tell me or tell the world, but I can't talk here, I tend to leave all my true emotions about stuff and lock them deep inside and I don't tell anyone how I feel and just like this girl, I just want to do what my friends want to keep them happy. Why should I be happy if my friends are not happy? Why don't I just disappear? Why I ask, to be honest, maybe because it's impossible to disappear I've tried and I haven't done to tell, I'm still here. She says everything happens for a reason? Maybe what she says there is correct, maybe what happened will happen again, maybe how they wanted it to be, or maybe it will just tear the two apart and they wont be able to be friends or something horrible like that. She says it was just a silly boy and she keeps telling herself that but the more she tells herself I think the more she realizes it isn't true and that what happened she might have wanted and kept forever in her heart. Maybe this silly boy thinks she is beautiful or something more and maybe he wants the same as she wants but cant do that right now? She states that she tells herself something every day so it will eventually come true but it never does. Maybe what she tells herself isn't mean to be non-existent and maybe what happened was meant to happen for reasons later in life? I really don't know but that's enough blabbering about all that, hopefully the people that think that will take it into consideration now and think about their choices and whats going on in there life and mind. Don't let one boy or girl slow you down in life, if you really must you should keep them as close as possible so as soon as there is an opening you can snatch them like a fly landing on a Venus fly trap.
I hear countless number of girls say love doesn't exist i even hear guys saying this. Maybe you are all looking in the wrong places and looking for the wrong reasons for love. It all takes time your not just going to find some magical frog kiss it and you have your prince, life isn't like a fairy tale it is much tougher then that. You will lose the one you love every now and then. All of a sudden the world is over and you go all depressed and push away everyone just because you lost them. But you will either gain them back or move on and find someone new some time later in life, live life as it comes don't just get stuck in one point in time, you have to keep moving forward.
Some times you just have to realize that being sad about what ever your sad about just aint going to get you know where. So with that being said stop being so sad.
Yours Faithfully,
Xendal
So i decided to throw all this together and show you something that normally happens in life for girls and guys.
She kept saying no regrets in her blog trying to hide that she actually had regrets all about it and she tried to stick to her life goal. I wanted to tell her she is stupid for holding in all her emotions and just to let them all out and tell me or tell the world, but I can't talk here, I tend to leave all my true emotions about stuff and lock them deep inside and I don't tell anyone how I feel and just like this girl, I just want to do what my friends want to keep them happy. Why should I be happy if my friends are not happy? Why don't I just disappear? Why I ask, to be honest, maybe because it's impossible to disappear I've tried and I haven't done to tell, I'm still here. She says everything happens for a reason? Maybe what she says there is correct, maybe what happened will happen again, maybe how they wanted it to be, or maybe it will just tear the two apart and they wont be able to be friends or something horrible like that. She says it was just a silly boy and she keeps telling herself that but the more she tells herself I think the more she realizes it isn't true and that what happened she might have wanted and kept forever in her heart. Maybe this silly boy thinks she is beautiful or something more and maybe he wants the same as she wants but cant do that right now? She states that she tells herself something every day so it will eventually come true but it never does. Maybe what she tells herself isn't mean to be non-existent and maybe what happened was meant to happen for reasons later in life? I really don't know but that's enough blabbering about all that, hopefully the people that think that will take it into consideration now and think about their choices and whats going on in there life and mind. Don't let one boy or girl slow you down in life, if you really must you should keep them as close as possible so as soon as there is an opening you can snatch them like a fly landing on a Venus fly trap.
I hear countless number of girls say love doesn't exist i even hear guys saying this. Maybe you are all looking in the wrong places and looking for the wrong reasons for love. It all takes time your not just going to find some magical frog kiss it and you have your prince, life isn't like a fairy tale it is much tougher then that. You will lose the one you love every now and then. All of a sudden the world is over and you go all depressed and push away everyone just because you lost them. But you will either gain them back or move on and find someone new some time later in life, live life as it comes don't just get stuck in one point in time, you have to keep moving forward.
Some times you just have to realize that being sad about what ever your sad about just aint going to get you know where. So with that being said stop being so sad.
Yours Faithfully,
Xendal
Monday, May 10, 2010
Traveling A Lonely Road With Bumps.
So I was sitting here just wondering, What am I going to do to update my blog every now and then? Well I really don't know. I wanted to just write down all my feelings on my blog but is that really a good idea? Doing that will get people questioning what I'm discussing. Maybe that's good? Maybe its bad? I really don't know..
Well at the moment I really just wanted to say how lonely it can get when you are home alone and you know you will be for the rest of the week, home with just the pets. That doesn't seem so great at the moment, the dog isn't coming over for a pat and the cat isn't laying next to me like normal. But earlier I saw something i don't normally see, The dog and cat playing together, they ditched me for each other, gee thanks guys. But no seriously I am home alone and I have nothing to do and all I can think of is her, and its just making me feel more lonely as she is no where near me and that's getting to me.
You know the feeling of just wanting to be hugged/cuddled? Yeah that's the feeling I have got at the moment.
I hear people saying about boyfriends and girlfriends being clingy and they always just want to see the person or they want to hold them? Its because they miss you don't you see that? How about you look at it for a second, if the person doesn't see you much and when they do they hug you and want to hold you but you don't say anything but you know it annoys you. Why don't you sit down and talk to your partner about it so you are both okay with it.
Personally I enjoy clingy, its a major turn on when a girl is clingy, because I know she will constantly want to be around me and to hold me or me hold her.
Others hate clingy and they say they need freedom from there partner to be with friends.
Oh another thing?
Organizing to do something with your partner but they always have to have one of there friends around. The guy or girl wants to spend time with you not with your friends, see my point here? Bringing friends along to places all the time when seeing your boyfriend or girlfriend is not good at all and it tends to be annoying.
Its fine with me just as long as its not all the time, that's just not fair.
I don't know where any of that came from but I'm kind of glad to get it all out. Hasn't happened recently to me. Which I'm glad about.
This is completely off topic but I need help with it.
Ive been thinking that I finally need to start repaying her with the stuff I owe her.
What do I owe? Anything. I just need to surprise her apparently.
Anyone know any good ways to repay the one you love?
I owe her for trouble I have caused her and stuff that she has helped me with. So in what way can I repay my dear sweet Angel? Any suggestions would be nice. I want to give her something that will make her feel good and make her happy, maybe even make her feel good enough that she just has to brag to her friends ( That sounds nice ). It can be anything even if its a bit dirty or what not i wish to hear all the suggestions you can give to make her happy and feel good.
Yours Faithfully,
Xendal.
Well at the moment I really just wanted to say how lonely it can get when you are home alone and you know you will be for the rest of the week, home with just the pets. That doesn't seem so great at the moment, the dog isn't coming over for a pat and the cat isn't laying next to me like normal. But earlier I saw something i don't normally see, The dog and cat playing together, they ditched me for each other, gee thanks guys. But no seriously I am home alone and I have nothing to do and all I can think of is her, and its just making me feel more lonely as she is no where near me and that's getting to me.
You know the feeling of just wanting to be hugged/cuddled? Yeah that's the feeling I have got at the moment.
I hear people saying about boyfriends and girlfriends being clingy and they always just want to see the person or they want to hold them? Its because they miss you don't you see that? How about you look at it for a second, if the person doesn't see you much and when they do they hug you and want to hold you but you don't say anything but you know it annoys you. Why don't you sit down and talk to your partner about it so you are both okay with it.
Personally I enjoy clingy, its a major turn on when a girl is clingy, because I know she will constantly want to be around me and to hold me or me hold her.
Others hate clingy and they say they need freedom from there partner to be with friends.
Oh another thing?
Organizing to do something with your partner but they always have to have one of there friends around. The guy or girl wants to spend time with you not with your friends, see my point here? Bringing friends along to places all the time when seeing your boyfriend or girlfriend is not good at all and it tends to be annoying.
Its fine with me just as long as its not all the time, that's just not fair.
I don't know where any of that came from but I'm kind of glad to get it all out. Hasn't happened recently to me. Which I'm glad about.
This is completely off topic but I need help with it.
Ive been thinking that I finally need to start repaying her with the stuff I owe her.
What do I owe? Anything. I just need to surprise her apparently.
Anyone know any good ways to repay the one you love?
I owe her for trouble I have caused her and stuff that she has helped me with. So in what way can I repay my dear sweet Angel? Any suggestions would be nice. I want to give her something that will make her feel good and make her happy, maybe even make her feel good enough that she just has to brag to her friends ( That sounds nice ). It can be anything even if its a bit dirty or what not i wish to hear all the suggestions you can give to make her happy and feel good.
Yours Faithfully,
Xendal.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
The Gate Way
I decided to make a blog as its a way i can just write all my feelings down and i can read back though it every now and then to look back at my past and what not. Ive wanted to write a blog for a while now but i just couldn't be bothered but after reading though some of my friends blogs its inspired me to write my own. Since this is my blog ill write what i want so if you don't like something I've wrote then just say something or maybe you can just shut up about it and not flame or QQ. This is my first ever blog so I'm just going to give a run though about myself and what not.
About me?
I'm turning 15 this year and i don't like the sounds of that, each day that goes past i feel like I'm getting older and I'm slowly getting closer to being old and that is one of my fears. Yes its a stupid fear but have you ever seen how old people move and talk and look like? All the problems they have? I really don't want that so I'm not looking forward to it, I'm rather scared of getting old and dieing. Well not so much dieing but im scared of being alone and not having anyone there, i just dont want to be old and i think we shall leave it at that, or maybe i should continue so you see my point? Or maybe you already get my point? Who knows but I'm just going to leave it at that.
As i was saying I'm 15 this year, i tend to hide behind the name Xendal and its slowly becoming a name im used of hearing from people so when people talk to me i expect them to call me Xendal but then they call me my Josh and it confuses me for a second or two. I have really really weird dreams i will post about them every now and then on this here blog and you will see what i mean. Im a nerd in my own way and I'm rather weird and random. I like to play video games but i don't do it all that often anymore as it tends to bore me as i know what to do i finish the game in a day or two, But you can never get sick of the Zelda games they are just the best, I like Docter Who its awesome. My favourite colour is amethyst, its a shade of purple and its also a gem, but someone very very special and important to me says i cant have that as my favourite colour so I'm going to have to say its dark purple or a light shade of purple, No I'm not gay =P. I'm a music addict, i love to listen to music, anything that has a beat but its not all yelling and screaming and just really loud then its find with me, I cant stand screamo. I love the singer Decision he is a rapper and i normally hate rap but his songs are just, well i dont know i cant explain them they are that good. I love the bands Secondhand Serenade, Hellogoodbye, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Mayday Parade, Unkle, Simple plan, Blink 182, Bands that are like them i rather enjoy listening to, I like love songs or something to do with depression or emotions if you get my drift, something about how people feel about another. I currently play drums and i have decided to learn guitar as a pass time when i don't feel like playing drums. I practice at school with two of my friends in the music rooms, We practice every lunch and we are slowly getting better. One day i wish to be a musician. Im kinda lazy but im not fat im rather skinny and people call me a stick but i dont choose to be like this i try to eat alot to put on weight but i only seem to lose it so i really dont know whats going on there. I tend to just sit around and listen to music or watch movies or what not or just sit on msn talking to my friends. I like the movie The Boat That Rocked, and also Titanic, i love comedy movies and i also love a bit of romance and sad movies. I only watch romantic/sad ones normally when im with Angel. Anime? Love it, i love Howls Moving Castle, Bleach, Elfen Lied, Death note etc. I like to read, what was that? you think only freaks read? well your mistaken there. Reading is something that many people enjoy and i love it, Skulduggery FTW!!!. I like milkshakes they are super yummy, my favourite food has to be jelly, Nothing is better then jelly in foods. I like to think im a kid still and i try to do kid things so i can still enjoy it while i can. I like YoYos because they go up and down and up and down and you can do tricks with them im not all that great at them but its still pretty god damn fun. I like to play with stuffed animals, i make them talk and walk around etc and its rather fun, i tend to pick up and play with any i find weather it be Torri's unicorns of Phoenix's butterfly pillow, i will play with them because i find it fun. I have a habbit of chewing on plastic or what ever i can find when im alone and bored, I like to chew on plastic the most as its fun to do so and i sometimes like to chew on scissors. I like shiny objects, anything that sparkles or shinys or glows i will fall in love with. You know the sound of water splashing as it hits the ground? Yeah that one, i love that sound, I love waterfalls!!!!! I love forests and the way they look and such oh god i can just picture it now, a waterfall surrounded by a forest with the sounds of birds and a running water fall and such, I love it how about you? I love animals, I really really like snow tigers or leopards they have to e my favourite animals. Birds are awesome because they can fly and be free, i like to just fad away and day dream a lot and i like to think im a bird and i can sore high and be free, I normally day dream alot i don't stop normally, something is always on my mind and i love to picture it and act it out in my mind. I over think things and i normally think negative leading towards bad things and if someone does or says something i normally take it negatively and i get depressed over it, or i just change the story completely so its depressing and such, i just cant stop it, its just something that happens everything i normally think of becomes negative and depressing in my head. My friends are okay, most annoy me and i don't care if they read this, But most of my friends annoy me because they push me around or punch me or something and it just pisses me off and makes me want to punch them but i don't do that because I'm normally a calm person and i tend to hide behind a fake smile to hide all the depression and bad thoughts im thinking. There is around 3? people i can be truly honest too with my feelings, 2 of them are girls, one is a guy I've known for quite a while. I like to draw and i draw really random things, I normally draw during classes at school because I'm bored or just cant be bothered
That seems like enough about me for now.
Wow.. i seem to love a lot don't i? Well guess what, i hate twice as much.
I hate people who think they're better then everyone else.
I hate flamers.
I hate jerks.
I hate people who constantly QQ about every single damn thing, QQ means cry or wine if you didn't know.
I hate not being good enough for people.
I hate the mistakes I've made in my past.
I hate what i did to her the other day or what not but I'm trying to make up for it and hopefully she will forgive me and trust me fully again.
I hate what i look like
I hate who i am basically
I hate that i take everything negatively.
I hate that i have very low self-esteem
I hate bully's if someone is being bullied i will step in and help that person. Bullying is just not on.
I hate the fact that there are positions in life, People with money live a good life and people with out normally don't and some even live on the streets. I cant stand how up them selves rich people are and it just pisses me off that they think they are better and they normally wont even spare any money for the poor, while people who are like me and are in between we give away money to those who need it and what not.
Oh there is a lot more i hate but i really cant be bothered to list anymore.
Anyways this is the end of my blog part thingy.
I am who i am but who is that exactly? I don't know maybe it will all come to me one day and ill wake up and live the life i was meant to lead.
Yours faithfully,
Xendal
About me?
I'm turning 15 this year and i don't like the sounds of that, each day that goes past i feel like I'm getting older and I'm slowly getting closer to being old and that is one of my fears. Yes its a stupid fear but have you ever seen how old people move and talk and look like? All the problems they have? I really don't want that so I'm not looking forward to it, I'm rather scared of getting old and dieing. Well not so much dieing but im scared of being alone and not having anyone there, i just dont want to be old and i think we shall leave it at that, or maybe i should continue so you see my point? Or maybe you already get my point? Who knows but I'm just going to leave it at that.
As i was saying I'm 15 this year, i tend to hide behind the name Xendal and its slowly becoming a name im used of hearing from people so when people talk to me i expect them to call me Xendal but then they call me my Josh and it confuses me for a second or two. I have really really weird dreams i will post about them every now and then on this here blog and you will see what i mean. Im a nerd in my own way and I'm rather weird and random. I like to play video games but i don't do it all that often anymore as it tends to bore me as i know what to do i finish the game in a day or two, But you can never get sick of the Zelda games they are just the best, I like Docter Who its awesome. My favourite colour is amethyst, its a shade of purple and its also a gem, but someone very very special and important to me says i cant have that as my favourite colour so I'm going to have to say its dark purple or a light shade of purple, No I'm not gay =P. I'm a music addict, i love to listen to music, anything that has a beat but its not all yelling and screaming and just really loud then its find with me, I cant stand screamo. I love the singer Decision he is a rapper and i normally hate rap but his songs are just, well i dont know i cant explain them they are that good. I love the bands Secondhand Serenade, Hellogoodbye, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Mayday Parade, Unkle, Simple plan, Blink 182, Bands that are like them i rather enjoy listening to, I like love songs or something to do with depression or emotions if you get my drift, something about how people feel about another. I currently play drums and i have decided to learn guitar as a pass time when i don't feel like playing drums. I practice at school with two of my friends in the music rooms, We practice every lunch and we are slowly getting better. One day i wish to be a musician. Im kinda lazy but im not fat im rather skinny and people call me a stick but i dont choose to be like this i try to eat alot to put on weight but i only seem to lose it so i really dont know whats going on there. I tend to just sit around and listen to music or watch movies or what not or just sit on msn talking to my friends. I like the movie The Boat That Rocked, and also Titanic, i love comedy movies and i also love a bit of romance and sad movies. I only watch romantic/sad ones normally when im with Angel. Anime? Love it, i love Howls Moving Castle, Bleach, Elfen Lied, Death note etc. I like to read, what was that? you think only freaks read? well your mistaken there. Reading is something that many people enjoy and i love it, Skulduggery FTW!!!. I like milkshakes they are super yummy, my favourite food has to be jelly, Nothing is better then jelly in foods. I like to think im a kid still and i try to do kid things so i can still enjoy it while i can. I like YoYos because they go up and down and up and down and you can do tricks with them im not all that great at them but its still pretty god damn fun. I like to play with stuffed animals, i make them talk and walk around etc and its rather fun, i tend to pick up and play with any i find weather it be Torri's unicorns of Phoenix's butterfly pillow, i will play with them because i find it fun. I have a habbit of chewing on plastic or what ever i can find when im alone and bored, I like to chew on plastic the most as its fun to do so and i sometimes like to chew on scissors. I like shiny objects, anything that sparkles or shinys or glows i will fall in love with. You know the sound of water splashing as it hits the ground? Yeah that one, i love that sound, I love waterfalls!!!!! I love forests and the way they look and such oh god i can just picture it now, a waterfall surrounded by a forest with the sounds of birds and a running water fall and such, I love it how about you? I love animals, I really really like snow tigers or leopards they have to e my favourite animals. Birds are awesome because they can fly and be free, i like to just fad away and day dream a lot and i like to think im a bird and i can sore high and be free, I normally day dream alot i don't stop normally, something is always on my mind and i love to picture it and act it out in my mind. I over think things and i normally think negative leading towards bad things and if someone does or says something i normally take it negatively and i get depressed over it, or i just change the story completely so its depressing and such, i just cant stop it, its just something that happens everything i normally think of becomes negative and depressing in my head. My friends are okay, most annoy me and i don't care if they read this, But most of my friends annoy me because they push me around or punch me or something and it just pisses me off and makes me want to punch them but i don't do that because I'm normally a calm person and i tend to hide behind a fake smile to hide all the depression and bad thoughts im thinking. There is around 3? people i can be truly honest too with my feelings, 2 of them are girls, one is a guy I've known for quite a while. I like to draw and i draw really random things, I normally draw during classes at school because I'm bored or just cant be bothered
That seems like enough about me for now.
Wow.. i seem to love a lot don't i? Well guess what, i hate twice as much.
I hate people who think they're better then everyone else.
I hate flamers.
I hate jerks.
I hate people who constantly QQ about every single damn thing, QQ means cry or wine if you didn't know.
I hate not being good enough for people.
I hate the mistakes I've made in my past.
I hate what i did to her the other day or what not but I'm trying to make up for it and hopefully she will forgive me and trust me fully again.
I hate what i look like
I hate who i am basically
I hate that i take everything negatively.
I hate that i have very low self-esteem
I hate bully's if someone is being bullied i will step in and help that person. Bullying is just not on.
I hate the fact that there are positions in life, People with money live a good life and people with out normally don't and some even live on the streets. I cant stand how up them selves rich people are and it just pisses me off that they think they are better and they normally wont even spare any money for the poor, while people who are like me and are in between we give away money to those who need it and what not.
Oh there is a lot more i hate but i really cant be bothered to list anymore.
Anyways this is the end of my blog part thingy.
I am who i am but who is that exactly? I don't know maybe it will all come to me one day and ill wake up and live the life i was meant to lead.
Yours faithfully,
Xendal
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