I seem to be having alot of nightmares lately, I dont have many peaceful dreams anymore they are all nightmares with people dieing or getting tortured or just sad things in life that would tear my heart out or make it explode.
Some of these dreams are so realistic that I often mistake them for reality. When I wake up I sometimes am lead to believe what I was just experiencing was reality and what I am in now is the dream and its so confusing that I tend to believe during my day that I am just dreaming and I will wake up to my real life when I go to sleep. In my dreams I do not just start somewhere I seem to wake up in the dream and live that life and to leave the dream I have to go to bed. My dreams I am able to feel emotion and pain and all the rest, they feel just like real life.
This particular morning I awoke crying and I was convinced this was a dream and I started getting ready to go see phoenix which I was puzzled about since I broke up with her in that dream but I continued getting ready anyways and I only realized I wasn’t dreaming when phoenix sent me a text saying she was on her way. I was so convinced that what happened in my dream was real, that dream felt so painful and it just crushed me so badly just thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes. I'm not going to tell you about this one on my blog as this was one of the saddest ones I've had.
I have been having other dreams that torture me. This one dream I was walking around town and I felt someone was following me so I tried to out run them and took a short cut but somehow I got knocked out, so after being knocked out I woke up and saw I was only dreaming so I went back to sleep. When I awoke in my dream I was tied to a table that was on a 35 degree angle so I could see the walls. On the walls where monsters that were all ugly and cut up and rather scary. Then a figure started to approach me and said “hello” and introduced himself, he said his name was Phantom, he was in a surgeons outfit and as he was speaking he pulled over a tray with tools on it showed me them and then said “Lets begin” and he started cutting me up and such I was screaming in pain, I then woke up screaming as I passed out in my dream then just went back to sleep after a while. As I awoke in my dream I was all healed no scares or anything and he said “You cant just leave like that, its just not fair”. I noticed I was fully healed and he said “lets try this again” he started laughing as he started it again. This time mentioning stuff about phoenix such as she wont find me very attractive when he was done and such and that she was such a beautiful girl and what not. I woke up screaming again and realized I was dreaming so this time I went and got a drink and came back to bed. As I looked up in my dream he was standing there with a picture of me and Phoenix and he tore it up right in front of me and burned the shirt she brought me for my birthday with 3 other photos of her, I was screaming at him I was so angry and sad and he just started laughing and decided to start all over again. This time he made sure he got to say what was needed to be said, “Phoenix wont find you attractive anymore, she wont find anything interesting about you, she will see only an empty shell, you are nothing to her anymore, you will be tossed aside, you wont fit in anymore, with out her you are nothing, there is no reason for you to live so why not just let me finish and then I can kill you. I'm going to enjoy this, I cant wait to see your heart explode when you hear and see that she no longer wants you, No longer perfect for her anymore, You failure, cant keep her happy like you wanted after all.” I remember it so clearly. As he continued I just let him do it I didn’t struggle this time I just was standing/laying there as he cut me open, I was crying and as I started to fade out and it went black the last thing I heard before I awoke was me saying, “Phoenix…..”.
This dream has gotten to me and what the Phantom said goes though my mind so much since I have had this dream and I don’t know the meaning, maybe I think I'm worthless with out her? No idea.
Ive decided I will now post blogs that scare me so much and that I just need people to hear them to try help me with them even in the slightest, I don’t expect you to understand them I just want to write them down every now and then just to reflect back upon and to see what yous think of them or what they could mean..
So this is me signing out for now, I wonder what I will dream tonight.
Yours faithfully,
Xendal.
To dream that you are awake only to find you are still dreaming means you must wake up to a challenge or responsibility that cannot be ignored any longer.
ReplyDeleteTo dream of being conscious during an operation indicates that others may be making decisions that will directly affect you without consulting you.
Discovering Scars on your face or body indicates a need to make something known before half truths become public knowledge and thus damage your reputation.
When a person wishes to harm you in a dream, he or she often represents an aspect of your own personality that is detrimental to your well being and is making you feel powerless.
If you are tied up in a dream it means that you are going through a time of diminished influence, but it may also signify the power of passive resistance.
imprisonment is a warning of misfortune unless you acknowledge your strengths and focus on the needs of those around you.
That all I could find in our book that relates.
Personally I think your dream is super fucked up. But I think I know what it means.
The Phantom Character is you, or your self esteem anyway, the part of you that thinks phoenix doesn't want you, this could be caused by her bitchiness. The fact that he has you imprisoned and trapped shows that this part of you has a high power or control. The cutting and hurting symbolizes your weakness in the face of yourself and own mind, however, you heal fast which either shows that you can deal with this pain, or that the thoughts of what Phoenix thinks of you can be brushed off, however Phantom, or your esteem doesn't let off and always pushes against you and makes it worse until finally, it could hurt you.
I think the only thing you can do is deal with your self esteem issues, which are obvious from this dream, talk to Phoenix about it, and don't tell me you are afraid she will think you are weak or a pussy and that you have to be a man. Cause if she does, she's more of a bitch than I though and you deserve better. But otherwise she SHOULD talk to you about it,. Get her to to tell you what she truly thinks of you. This would be best in person. And once she tells you what she thinks, remind yourself of it, and tell yourself it not sure, because it's not, it's psychosomatic, all in your head.
Hope this helped ;D
This probably won't make much sense but..
ReplyDeleteDreams are found in the same part of the brain a events and memory, while they happen, so really, what happens in your dreams is really happening, and sometimes on rare occasions are actually premonitions...
but anyway, this whole one set of continuous dreams string of the same premise may be interpreted as an exaggeration of something that is happening or has happened to you in the past..