Living the life? Only could wish.

I like to think I'm living the life.

Truth be told...

I'm not.


My life isn't what most would call great.

Yes I realize there are those poor little people who are staving to death and they must have so much worse lives then me **sarcasm**. Good for them, we all have problems in life, I just wished to release my thoughts, read it if you wish.



I have a girlfriend as we all know. I haven't seen her in the last month. Its like she doesn't really care if she sees me or not, it doesn't seem to bother her in the slightest. She likes to boss me around, or so it seems. Tells me what I can do and what I can't do. I put up with shit from my friends about her and it gets really annoying with all the jokes and stuff they say about her. Despite all that is wrong with it all, I still seem to love her. One of my friends told me to dump her because it wont be any different to what it is now, not seeing her and barely talking to her. Know whats funny? That friend is friends with phoenix also. I thought about this and its true. Would I be able to do it though? No. I don't think I could do it. I don't want to lose her. She means everything to me, basically the only reason I've decided to start trying in life.

Things with her aren't in my mind going so well. If only she knew how much it hurts me for her to be mad at me. If only she knew how much I love her and miss her. Yet it only seems to be about her and not me. Guess my opinions and feelings/thoughts don't count then.



My family..

Hate them. I don't fit in. I don't feel anything for them. They are there to provide for me, nothing more. I don't see any reason for me to have feels for them, they mean nothing to me. Never have I been treated as an equal in this family. Its always about someone else, greedy? Yes I spose it is. Caring meter? Zero. I rather hate dad, he has never been or done anything for me. All he has ever done is lied to me.



Friends..

Would I really call half my friends proper friends? Half of them I don't really care for also. Some are just people I talk to so I'm not alone or anything. Some are jerks and are mean when ever they can be and I get the urge to just punch them in the face. One of my friends today for example, they always take my phone and Ipod and when I ask for it back I don't get it. But oh no! when I take her phone they hit me and punch me and just went blah at me. I didn't take it for keeps like they do I just took it to actually have a look at her phone, wasn't even going to go through it but I still got punched several times, its daily this person hits me and it pisses me off and today I really hated them for it. Only a few of my friends or people I hang out with ( our full group, year 9's included and the rest of the year 10's and such ) I can consider real friends, sure some are ass holes at times but at least they keep me from thinking negative and make me have a good time ( sometimes ).



I have a lot more to stay but I feel as if what was on my chest of lifted temporarily.

I think negative 93.2% of the time.


Yours Faithfully,
Xendal.